Having a Merrrrrry ol' time!

Hi everyone, Merry Xmas! Hope you are all having a blast! I have been a bad blogger but that is neither here nor there. Take me as I am, this lazy girl is not repenting any time soon!

I am in Naija! So glad. Missed my folks like crazy! Today has been amazing.

Came in and there was fuel scarcity, no power and no generator (cos of the fuel issue)! The heat was mad. I refused to leave the house for about 4 days (the sun was just too intense and no fuel) till I ran to Abuja! But with all that, there is still no place I would rather be! Currently listening to Lagos Party (remix) by Banky W. It is absolutely fabulous.

This is a very random post so forgive me. Blame it on the excitement. Wherever you are, hope you had a lovely Xmas. Till I come by again have a very beauuuuriful season! And a Happy New year in advance!

Like my friend said, Go Jesus, it's your birthday, we gonna party like it's your birthday!

Be good folks.

Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeez!

Its been more than a month! Sorry peeps, no one told me LLM was this hard! I am still awake at 4 am. Its been like this for about 5 weeks now. Ko easy o

I have exams tomorrow since its Monday already. Hmmn. So tired I need a masseuse like crazy. My bcak aches from staying up all the time. Wishes...lol

I can't wait for Friday when I will be done with the exams, I will go out all night and sleep all through Saturday and go shopping on Sunday! I am so not serious

Exams is like an essay o, imagine essay questions but you have to memorise all your answer or better still learn it before going to into the hall. It is a seen a exam so the standard is way high! Plenty research. I am sure by the time I am through with this program, I will be wearing spectacles! I am always reading. Kai..

This is meant to be a short post. I hope my much loved cyber friends are doing great. I apologise for not paying visits. School work is crazy here!

I have even run out of food and can't spare a moment to go grocery shopping! I had to drink Garri yester-night (Saturday). And I have been doing some dry food runs. I can get home delivery from Asda but I can't even go to their website right now.

I was so hungry yesterday (Sunday) that I got off the bed and left the books aside to go make lunch, I thought since I didnt have anything, I could make tuna sauce with canned tomatoes. I happily started cooking thinking, I could eat it with potatoes at least, I checked the cupboards..... Zilch! Nada! Not even a tiny scope of it. And the stupid stew was done!

Was I to lick stew and drink water with the hunger, I say lai lai, I no fit! I don't even have rice. I swallowed my Naija pride and asked my flatmate for bread! I am not leaving my books.

Silly me. After Tuesday's paper, I am so going to get some milk and bread. I cant stand dry cereal anymore haba I am not here to starve. I even ran out of buscuits! Since when do I ever run out of junk food?

That is my dry life as a student for now. life returns to normal from Friday! I can't wait. And more blogging power then. Let me catch some sleep will be up in the next 2 hrs anyways. Arrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Lusciously Random!!!

Hi everyone, how have you been? I am fine thanks for asking! I finally got my blogging mojo back. Don't blame me, blame school. If I hear 'you to work hard 'cos this school is one of the top 20 law schools' one more time, I will scream!

Work load is crazy! Considering I am taking just two modules. My lectures are on Mondays only so my weekend is always hard pressed trying to finish up my reading list for the week.

I am loving it though. The French University accepted me so it is Salut! in Febraury to France. I have started French classes. It's fun, the other students are a riot! And the man paying the bill accepted. In fact, he said it was a great idea. I am so pleased.

I haven't cooked a meal since my brother left! It's always noodles, muffins or fruits! I have broken the jinx today! I diced up all the large pepper in my fridge, all 5 of them, added mushrooms, onions, minced meat and some diced turkey laps and voila! A pot of stew!

I also cooked ogbono with okro with shrimps and every other thing I could squeeze into the pot. My English flatmate asked if it was curry sauce, I told him what was in it he said- it sounded complicated!

I went for a flat party the other weekend. It was hosted by my Norwegian classmate. It was fun, I met her Nigerian flatmate, who cooked jollof rice! I was so excited I was just grinning like an idiot. I ate till I couldn't talk! The Oyinbo partygoers said the rice was too spicy! and that we were playing with our liver. I have never heard of such a thing. I had mad fun.

I thought it was a pretty good party until the Naija girl brought her stereo with loud speakers and started playing D'banj's Suddenly! Omo, at that point, I lost it! All the four Naija girls present just started displaying. I think that was the best fun I have had since I arrived. The Oyinbo girls wanted to know why our waist moves like that.

I went shopping last weekend for some leather boots, the prices almost gave me a corollary! I went on ebay and I got some fabulous boots for way cheaper! All pure leather and I think I got carried away with the number I got. Can I wear leather knee high boots in Naija? That is the only explanation for buying 4. I spent Sunday on ebay! I will be drinking Garri for the next few weeks.

I went to Glasgow on Wednesday, I was alone so it wasn't much fun. I plan to go back. I was attending a Graduate's Fair. I missed my bus, I had to buy another ticket which cost me as much as the return ticket. What was most annoying was, I got there as the bus was pulling away. :(

I am soooooo glad I went with the kinky braids, its still looks so neat and my hair is not even 'chopping'. I oil it everyday sha. Yesterday, as I was performing the rituals, I swung my hair, and the bottle of oil just tipped. Thank God I had only just started, I used my hair to clean up the mess! And claened up the rest.

On a good note, I am going home for Christmas! I so can't wait! I will make another hair, take some of my stuff home so I won't have too much luggage for France. win win for all. I must say thank you to my motehr for making it possible. She was supposed to come visit me in December before, she said I should come home instead and use her ticket!

I think I have rambled on enough. Sorry for the lack of theme. I will be visiting pages a little at a time. Looking at all the posts I have missed is a bit overwhelming. Forgive if I don't come by your page.

BTW:- I heard in Naija bukas, they have started calling 'snail' Y'ardua! No be from my page you read am o! LOL.

Principles of Scottishness!

Hi all. I haven't been following any posts. I know I have a missed a lot! I miss you guys. Like Buttercup said, I have arrived now and I am finally getting my bearings! Let me run you through everything in the next lines.

Leaving
There was a mad traffic on my way to the airport. I thought I would miss my flight. Spent about 3 hrs getting there! I had a lot of mixed feelings saying goodbye to my mum! I sorely miss her.

Arrivals
My flight to Heathrow was smooth. Landed at 5.30AM and my connecting flight to Edinburgh was for 6.50. Almost missed that due to security checks. Had to jump the queue. I explained about my flight and they breezed me through. My brother is on holiday so he was with me. We had a minor ish with the groundnut sha. We poured it in an Eva bottle and it was in my brother's hand luggage. When they checked and saw what it was we were allowed to go! This was 10 mins to take off!

Edinburgh
On the flight, there were only 4 black people including my brother and I. I was terrified. thank God I wasn't by myself. We didn't have any problems though. The school meet & greet that was meeting us came about 1 hr late. We landed around 8.30 and the bus came at 12. My dad called and said we should have taken a taxi to Dundee and we should stop doing Ijebu! That woulda cost about £120!. Taking the bus from school was free. plus £10 for my brother. I told him I would rather wait.

Getting there
The scenery is gorgeous! I love the place. The journey was smooth. Lots to see. I met my faltmates finally and they were nice. My room is lovely. I finished unpacking in less than 1 hr. Thanks to my brother. The Agent cam to meet me to hand over my set of keys and all my flatmates didn't go out. All three were courteous and saw to my comfort.

Day to day
My first 2 days, I didn't see any balck person! I was worried. On getting to the City centre, I saw like 3. Do you know what it's like being the only black person in a like a 100 people gathering? Luckily my brother was always with me so I was fine.
My flat is close to every where so I have everything I need.

I have discovered a shop that sells Plantain and Okro! All the supermarkets here sell Pork. No BEEF SAUSAGES. It was annoying at first sha. But the shop that sells okro sells it. More expensive but at least I can have it now. Tesco, Asda, Lidl, Iceland, Somerfield none had beef sausages.

On the first day of Fresher's week, I saw more Africans. I couldn't believe how glad I was!
The first went by quite fast. It is my second week now. Our internet stopped working about on Wednesday. They just fixed it tonight. Apparently we had reached the limit of our subscription or something like that.

I complained but I was told the person that signed the contract has to complain himself! That is one of my flatmates, finally got him to do it. He is European so we have a mini United Nations going on!

I have registered at the jobshop, applied for my NI no, registerd with a GP etc. Also filled the council tax exemption form.

I do not have a phone yet. I don't know what to get. I have a Lyca mobile but it's not working. I can't make calls on it but I can receive. I can't even top up! Mailed them but they said they will call me on Monday. It's Induction week now so I ma quite busy so the phone is turned off. If they called, I can't retrieve the voicemail. Fired off another e-mail to them. They should call after 5 or during my break.

It was frustrating when the internet wasn't working.

Met a Nigerian lady on PHd today, she gave a pep talk about surviving the LLM. I quickly got her contacts and asked about food and Salons. She gave me contacts. So that is one less thing to worry about! I can't imagine dashing off to London every time I need my hair done or need some serious African food. She did it for SIX months before finding those people!

School
I am thinking of changing my course! I was apprehensive about telling my dad sha, since he is the one paying. He thought it was a good idea. I discovered that I can do a joint LLM for the price of 1. Only downside is, the second semester will be in France. Where I will obtain the second LLM. We will be there for about 5 months and come back to Dundee for dissertation. I am hoping I can change sha. Waiting to hear from my Professor next week. The 1st semester is the same as the course I original planned to study but instaed of staying here for 2nd semester, I get to go to another Uni and bag another degree. I guess I had better start learning French. Although we will be taught in English.

So far, it's been interesting. Everyone wants to get a distinction! You wouldn't believe how ambitious my classmates are. They are from a range of diverse cultures! There is someone form Saudi Arabia, two form Kazakstan, Thailand, Gambia, Tanzania etc. Learning new names everyday and teaching people how not to murder my name. I am loving it all though. But it is hectic. Next week will be easier though.

The Scottish Accent
It is very hard to understand! Most people speak with clear accents though. But when you do meet, the native speakers you say 'pardon' every second. Luckily, I have met only 3 people or so on the member of staff with the accent so it's not bad. Also most of our resources are on the school intranet so not too much interaction with them.

I think I have rambled on long enough! I will get to reading posts once I am through trawling through legalese. I am sooooooo glad to be back here.

Be good all. Oh, and thanks for reading till the end!

Leaving Home

Coincidentally, this is my 50th post! I thought I would have gotten here sooner. I love all your comments from my last post.

I am finally done with packing. I leave tonight! I shall miss home like crazy. I couldn't leave my room yesterday. I was hugging my pillow till I remembered my clothes with the tailor!
My friends have been great. One call almost brought on the water works. I had mini sent forth get-togethers. It was so much fun!

I went with kinky braids. It looks lovely. I have the long one with curled tips. I can pack it in any style :) I woulda put up a picture but I am yet to have a bath in case you guys smell me from the pix! :D I didn't freeze the palm oil. I got all the other items. Thanks guys

I don't want to go again o:( I am replying last minute emails etc. My flight is arriving Edinburgh around 8:30am tomorrow. School bus coming at 4:00pm. Imagine my joy when I got an email that there is an extra bus coming at 11:30am and if I would like to be booked on it! Almighty God does wonderful things. I won't have to wait all those extra hours.

On the one hand I am looking forward to school, a masters will look good on the CV afterall. On the other, hmmn. I shall miss going to work! Yes the 3rd Mainland Traffic! Imagine. I won't miss the frown lines and cursing that goes hand in hand with driving in Lagos sha! But I will miss my car, the time I spend with my sister on our way to and from work :( that is our own special moment. It is mostly just us. Listening to the news and giving our comments and arguing! Kai can we argue? The office wears, pencil skirts, all the shirts, the suits and shoes! Nothing beats a lovely shirt with pencil skirt and heels! From now its jeans and sneakers. Hmmph!

All in all, I am rambling. My flatmate just mailed that our internet has finally been fixed! I say Yay. More blogging if school time-table is favourable. The next time I post, it will be from Dundee. I am missing my family already. Unconsciously, since last week I follow everyone around with my eyes .

Even yesterday, when I went out with my friends, I was scanning the opposite traffic lane for a glimpse of my sister. She has finally started driving. Her official driver (moi) is leaving. She is doing good sha. I am looking forward to a time she will drive me round Lagos. I drove that girl for years! She used me like something else. School runs, visits, airports drops etc. I was her designated driver of choice. I will mis our bickering sef.

Let me stop before I go all maudling on you guys. Have a fab weekend. I didnt proof read. Sorry for any typos. My phones haven't stopped ringing since Monday.

JETTING OFF

Hi people! Thank you all for your comments on my last post. I had a good laugh with the suggestions. Idiots they are. I changed the location in the mails just in case. Actual location is Scotland. I had actually typed a response to them when I got a genuine response form a Landlady, so I didn't bother to send it. Finally I have a place to stay. All details have been finalised.

I am exhausted. Preparation is not easy o! I don't know what to buy again. Any suggestions? I have bought most of my toiletries (the ones that will be difficult to get unless I go to London). I haven't even started packing. I am reserving next week for that.

Is it wise to go with kinky braids? I don't know which to choose between normal braids and afro kinky. On the plus side, I bought like 6 wigs. (Not excessive). If anyone knows where they make African hair in Scotland please let me know. (Don't let my fine girl diminish). I bought some weaves as well.

I will be getting dry goods on Saturday, Egusi, dry pepper etc. I have a thought on Palm Oil. (I will freeze it) What else? It's like my brain is operating in slow motion! I am tired.

On a random note, I went to Abuja yesterday for an assignment. I was exhausted, as I finally boarded the plane to go back to Lagos, I was dozing away before take off when the guy that sat beside me asked me if I was that tired. (I was thinking duh, if I wasn't, would I be sleeping?)

Then he proceeded to apologize to me for not saying hello when he boarded. (Guy, do I know you, or dem send you come? I will not let you ruin my fast). He then decided to show off as a Barrister. (Why do lawyers do this? Am supposed to be impressed or something?) I am one myself but I don't think I let everyone I meet know that fact. People always want free legal advice! :D

He tried to torment my peaceful existence by trying to make small talk. Why do people disturb other passengers? I had a good mind to change my seat since the plane wasn't full. I just ignored him and pretended to sleep. He didn't even allow me meditate religiously, he was making conversation in his loud 'barrister' voice to people across the aisle. Was I glad to get off the plane!

Please, my Obodo Oyinbo bloggers let me know what else I should bring o! Enjoy the rest of the week people.

P.S. I still don't know which to choose between Kinky and normal braids. Any thoughts?

Scammers! I no dey House

Hi people. I am not in a good mood right now. So, I am going to school in September and trying to secure an apartment because I don’t want school accommodation. I spent 5 years in Uni plus another 1 year in Law school, abeg[1] I have had enough of communal living.

I have been checking out websites and placing or responding to ads. Because I am leaving early Sept., I need a place ASAP. Imagine the tons of mails I have been receiving. So, I got this mail yesterday-

Hello,
My name is Cristopher Larsson and I am from Denmark and the flat is still available for rent. I had an aunt in UK and after her death she left me her apartment from UK a few years ago.
The flat was redecorated last year and the flat is looking very nice and clean. The property has a fully furnished kitchen,clean and well tidy sitting rooms,laundry room,and fully furnished with home utilities like: electric shower, Lounge,Vacuum Cleaner,Toaster, Owen and microwave, dryer, iron, washing machine , refridgerator , dishwasher, powershower, heater, cable ready,tv set and dvd player,internet connection, equiped kitchen and everything a house needs. I m interrested in finding someone clean who can take care of this house more then getting money from renting it if you know what I mean.
Till last month the apartment was rented by some students from Germany and now they left and the apartment is available again for rent. The price I want is £440 per month and I am intrested in a long term agreement,minimum six months!
If you have the money I could come in the next few days to show you the apartment and maybe sign the rental agreementif you like it but first I have to be sure you are honest you really do need a place to live because two weeks ago a person from Nottingham told me he is really interested and he asked me to go to Nottingham to meet him and sign the rental agreement and when I arrived there no person showed up to rent my place and I lost time and money for nothing.
I will wait for your e-mail, Cristopher Larsson.

I was surprised because normally, the mail has a link detailing where the ad was seen. Since my sister is helping me also, I thought the guy must be responding to an e-mail she posted in response to the ad which is below.

Hello,

I would like to know if the property has internet facilities and the approximate distance to school. Would I need to look for a housemate? Would I need to pay a deposit or need guarantors/referees? I am looking to rent for 12 months. Any other details would be welcome. Thanks

So I replied –

Hi,

Thanks for the e-mail. I appreciate your honesty. I must tell you that I can't be in the UK next week. As I said in my e-mail, I am an international student. I am still in my country and coming to the UK in the 1st week of September. I am looking to share a flat with someone as I cannot afford the whole rent by myself. I want to rent for 12 months since my course is for one year. I thought the rent will be by direct debit monthly. If you are interested let me know.

Today, I saw this reply in my inbox-

Hello,

I will attach some pictures of the flat,floor plan and also a model of the rental contract! The flat is located near 263f XXXX but I can`t give you the exactly address because there`s no one living out there and I`m afraid of thief's! Please accept my apologies for this but I hope you understand me because I`m in Denmark right now! The property benefits from access to beautifully maintained communal gardens and comprises reception room, kitchen with washing machine/tumble dryer, master bedroom with fitted wardrobes and en suite bathroom, second bedroom with fitted wardrobe and bathroom.

In the kitchen there is a dishwasher and also a Big fridge freezer! Regarding the council tax I can tell you that it is included in the price of £440 per month and also Sky TV,internet broadband,gas and electricity are also included in this price! I am intrested in a minimum six month agreement and I request two months advance rent payment plus one month refundable deposit (£440) wich you will get it back at the end of the contract.

Regarding the plummets and all that kind of stuff I can tell you that the flat was recently renovated and all electrical part and plummets are new so that won`t be necessary any repairs anyway I have a person who can manage this starting from September.
We can sign the rental contract starting from next weekend but I need to be sure that you have serious intentions in renting the flat that`s why I attach here a model of the tenancy agreement and also we can discuss the terms when we will meet!
If you are decided to view the flat let me know because there is another person interested in reserving it!
Kind regards,
Cristopher Larsson

Two minutes later I got another mail from him-

Hello again,
There is parking acces available(one place) I forgot to mentioned it! We can sign the reement starting from September, but you see these is due to previous predicament that I have gone through in the past trying to rent the property to some students,I have got to realize so many people are not really in need of an apartment all they do is secure a place in advance, My last experience in trying to rent the property to a particular lady had got me to predicate on these,she made me believe she was willing and ready to get the apartment she even went to the extend of showing me her statement of account,which made me took her for the viewing but after taking her for the viewing,she saw the apartment and got to love it and never wanted to loose it,so she kept pleading i retain it for her because she is not financially composed at the moment,which i did but end up disastrously.
So basically for me to be sure of you been willing and ready to get the apartment I will employ you walk into any Money Gram outlet and send the total bill cash £1320 (two months rent and one month refundable deposit) to your partener`s name(NOT to ME),or your partener should send it to you with location of Nottingham, All I need is for you to get back to me with the receipt issued to you after making the transaction so I can confirm it! When we will meet in person to sign the papers we will go together to Money Gram and you or your partner will withdraw the cash and pay me in hand or you can pay me on Monday by bank transfer! I just need to see that you do have the money available and you do have serious intentions in renting the flat! If the Money Gram agent will ask you about the receiver you should tell him that is your cousin because the transfer fees will be cheaper! Anyway I will pay for it either you take the flat or not! I will book the flight for Saturday as soon as I have your positive answer because I can come only in weekends!
I do apologise for that but as I told you last time when I arrived to Nottingham to show the flat to a person everything was a stupid joke and I hope you understand me because I don`t want to waste my time and money on plane tickets..
Regards,Cristopher Larsson.

I immediately knew something was up! I didn’t even bother to reply. He can rot in hell! Western Union ko Money transfer ni! Although, I wouldn’t mind playing a little trick on him/her. What a load of rubbish! I immediately forwarded the message to my sister, whom agreed with me that scammers are at work. So imagine my shock this afternoon when my yahoo alert popped up saying I had an e-mail. I read it and see what I found-

Hello,
I`m sorry for my late reply but I've had some medical problems! My name is Albert Moulton and I am from France and the flat is still available for rent. I had an aunt in UK and after her death she left me her apartment in UK a few years ago.
The flat was redecorated last year and the flat is looking very nice and clean. The property has a fully furnished kitchen,clean and well tidy sitting rooms,laundry room,and fully furnished with home utilities like: electric shower, Lounge,Vacuum Cleaner,Toaster, Oven and microwave, dryer, iron, washing machine , refrigerator , dishwasher, power-shower, heater, cable ready,tv set and dvd player,internet connection, equipped kitchen and everything a house needs. I'm interested in finding someone clean who can take care of this house more than getting money from renting it if you know what I mean.
Till last month the apartment was rented by some students from Germany and now they left and the apartment is available again for rent. The price I want is 450 UK pounds per month and the advance it's the price for the first 2 months(1 advance and 1 guarantee).
If you have the money I could come in the next few days to show you the apartment and maybe sign the rental agreement if you like it but first I have to be sure you are honest you really do need a place to live because two weeks ago a person from Nottingham told me he is really interested and he asked me to go to Nottingham to meet him and sign the rental agreement and when I arrived there no person showed up to rent my place and I lost time and money for nothing.
I will wait for your e-mail
Albert

You can all go to blazes! No be my papa hard earned Naira you go chop. Go and find better work. She my Yoruba name is not enough to tell you that we might be form the same country? (I didn’t say they originate from my country o!) See me see wahala[2] o! In fact for this, they will not prosper! I should have sensed something was up immediately I saw the long email. All the other agents I have been mailing usually send me short-to-the-minute-mails and include their phone nos.

Dem no even try make them change the format small[3]. I would be a very stupid maga[4], if I fall this kind thing. So to all my enemies, I no dey house! Try again another time. I dey ground for una[5]. God go punish you well well. She na yahoo yahoo you still dey do, una no go even see pure water sell in future. Olosi gbogbo![6]

Na so I see am o! Can you imagine? I am practically foaming right now! What would you guys do in my shoes?

1. Please
2. Trouble
3. They didn’t try to change the format
4. Gullible person
5. I am prepared for you
6. I can’t translate the rest jare!

Things to ponder

Hello people, how have you all been? I have been busy like mad. More update soon. I have read a lot of posts today. Mostly on relationships. Everyone is talking about it. As for me life is on a slow mo at the mo (I sound silly). I am back to my basics. False nails are on a rest for now. Grooming mine again. I missed being here but when duty calls, you have to do your job. I need a masseuse!

I have so much to talk about, yet I can't put them down. Meanwhile enjoy this post. It makes you wonder.

Things to Ponder

- Can you cry under water?

- - How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

- Since bread is square, why is sandwich meat round?

- Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

- How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

- Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

- Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?

- Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

- How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss Nigeria?

- Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

- I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

- Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life, we could simply press Ctrl Alt Delete and start all over?

- Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

- If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

- Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever

-Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

-Why are there locks on the door of stores that are open 24/7 365 days a year?

-If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

-WalMart is lowering prices daily, how come nothing in the store is free yet

-Why is abbreviation such a long word?

-If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If it is illegal to drink and drive, why do bars have parkinglots?

-Why do we call it a hamburger when it is made from beef?

-If a mime is arrested, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

-Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

-Why there's a pair of panties but just one bra

-how can there be multiple Final Fantasies

-How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?

-If firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?

-why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?

-Why does a ship carry cargo, and a car carry shipments?

-How is it possible to have a civil war

-If sunflower oil is made of sunflowers, what is baby oil made of???

-Why is a boxing ring square?

- If you spin an oriental man, does he become disoriented?
.
- Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

-if the polish are called poles why aren’t people from Holland called holes?

-Why a goose and his wife are geese, but a moose and his wife aren't meese?

-Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

-If air travel is so safe, why do they call it a "terminal"

-If Cheese is made of milk why is it yellow?

-if dinosaurs once roamed the entire planet why aren't there fossils in my yard

-Do Chinese mothers feed their babies with toothpicks?

-if we're evolved from monkeys, then how come monkeys are still alive?

-Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

Another Affair

I remember the first time I became aware of you. It was about 10 years ago. You had been in my subconscious for quite a while. I had heard the raves about you, how all the girls are crazy about you but I thought it’s just another passing fancy, we will get over.

You flirted, caressed, tantalised and hurt but still I refused to let go, I finally succumbed to your charms. You were simply too alluring to let go. Everyone was doing it so why not me?

I especially like the way I compared notes with my friends on what was, better you all the way or with a little variance. You came in different colours, I just couldn’t resist.

I remember abandoning all and everything else for you. I spent a lot of money in those days feeding my habit. Oh yes you became a habit.

We were always together even when my grandma was visiting in red. Some felt it was risky and I was quite mad to do so but who cares. I was having the time of my life! I loved you so.

Then came a moment when I got over you. You just stopped appealing to me. I was fancying another obsession. How I love obsessions. I just fall headlong without a thought or a care. I always go all the way. I am doing this already, why not do it all the way? That is my life’s philosophy unless I realise you are not good for me that is.

I remember the hurts, I always felt sore at the end of the day. Then I stopped altogether. I packed up all the nick-nacks of our affair in a little bag not to be seen again unless I wanted to have a little fun.

The codes of fashion and times dictates that I take a trip down memory lane every once in a while. But I daren’t. I don’t fancy you anymore. You used to hurt too much and I finally got over you. Why begin again?

But eventually I succumbed! Again. It happened because of my laziness. I got too busy for my new love and ended up being back with you. You also saved me from the curse. Especially during this week.

Alas we have to part ways again. You have started hurting again and I can’t cope.

This is my affair with the G-string!

I had to wear it this week because my boy shorts with the seamless lines have to take a trip to the laundry. I decided to bring out the ‘other’ undies bag that is filled with all sorts of medieval torture devices disguised as female underwear.

I love undies. I have bags and bags of it. It takes a pride position in one half of my entire wardrobe.

I had a series of meetings lined up for the week and I didn’t want to embarrass myself with VPL at any moment. My dressing gives me the ultimate seal of confidence. So I take the trouble to avoid any fashion faux pas I might make.

My skirt today is very tight and made of a material that glistens like satin but stretches as well. I have been wearing them strings since Monday but ones with little straps of cloth at the back. Today I felt extra confident that since I haven’t had any issues, I could go back to the ropy types. How wrong I was. I was already having a headache by mid-day. I have been to court twice today. So moving around is quite painful. I had to prepare some documents and all I could concentrate on was the stupid discomfort.

I went into the toilet and pulled the darn things off! Yep I did. My jacket has pockets so it is currently residing in one of them. Might as well put the pocket to use. It never holds anything anyways.

As I write this, I am bare and loving it. I still have to meet friends for drinks later today. Hope no one tries to dip a hand into my pocket though. They will get quite a surprise. I also hope fervently that my skirt does not rip. It is that tight.

This affair is so over!

I used to spend most of my money on buying thongs. My friends and I would talk about it and how they felt wearing it. Even during that time of the month, it was strings all the way. It helped that I am a tampon girl.

The different colours fascinated me. I wanted to own it all and the designs. The ones that look like catapults, the ones with the glitter and chains etc. When I fell in love with boy shorts and low rise panties, the fascination ended.

Some things are just not worth it.

Sorry for any errors, I still have some work to do.

Ehm....

Thank you SolomonSydelle, IncogNaija, Leggy, Honeywell and Buttercup for your insightful comments on my last post. I couldn't reply. I say thanks to everyone who left a comment, you put me in a better place.

Still going gaga over the Storm. I thought the excitement would have waned but no! I am just in love with the surepress.

Someone said when I am low, I get new gadgets. I don't think that is true. Everyone knows I have been dreaming since like forever over the Storm.

Ok to the gist of today, Imagine this scenario, I will tell this in the first person to make the story flow better-

I met this guy a few years ago, he liked me but I didn't date him then. Too many issues besides I was in my no men phase then.

We kept in touch over the years then met at a wedding recently. Then the chasing intensified. I am falling but there are a few issues. He didn't complete his degree and he is now a businessman. I am a career person. When people see me, they see forward, chic and smart.

Said guy is very sweet, writes me poems and calls a lot plus sends me messages like crazy.

He occassionally asks me to buy him credit or he is broke or issh like that. I don't mind but at the back of my mind, I am like this shouldn't be happening. We are already dating at this time.

We never went on an official date, boy takes girl out kinda thing. He lives with his family. We had a mini-tiff based on his type of work and he assured me that it is working out but I don't really believe it. In fact, I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the whole idea.

I feel, if his customers don't pay, he will be basically broke or if they don't make orders. I do not envision living like that.

Besides, I doubt if my family will accept. I am going for a master's soon, so it will be a mismatch degree wise. I am trying to make it work, it's not all about fancy degrees nut how the you both feel about each other (I think).

I begin to resent him. I am not really feeling the thing that is 5 months into it. Not like I don't like him but I find I am angry more than half the time. I am a girl, I want to be taken out on dates and do fancy stuffs. I want to travel at a short time's notice, I don't want to hear that you can't afford it. It seems that is all I hear from you. Future looks bleak at this time.

Then we had this a text conversation-

boy- you were not happy to see me last time

girl- sorry I was in a foul mood

boy-tell me about not being happy

girl-i don't want to talk about it

boy-how are we supposed to communicate

girl- i will be fine just a phase, just make sure your business is working

boy- so that's what its all anout

girl- no, just ending the conversation

boy- you always snap at me, have a nice day

girl- don't start

boy- i don't know you anymore maybe i thot i did

girl- i don't think you ever did

Then no more talk. I sent him messages but no reply and I tried to call but I couldn't hear a thing and he didnt call back. Then apologised still no reply, after 2 weeks, then sent a message that by the silence I am assumning, it is over still no response.

So people, what do you all think?

That is the story I got recently and I didn't know what to make of it.

She is confused.

I have a mini story of my own to tell but not today. Post too long already.

Have a nice week all. I shall be checking to read the comments.

You (The First Part)

I have thought long and hard about this and this keeps coming back. I do wish I could say this to your face but it can only hurt both of us. You will be too upset to see the truth of my words.

When you called to tell me I should come over, it was very urgent. I came running despite the fact that I was writing exams. I think a part of me knew what you were going to say.

I met you in a friend's house. You looked a tad unkempt. Then you said it. I think that was a defining moment in our relationship. I could not believe you could be that stupid and repeat the same mistake.

You said you suspect you are pregnant!

This is not the first time. It happened before and the guy in question exhibited his true colours. He got another girl pregnant around the same time, so basically you were on your own.

Things went back to normal when you lost the baby. I was relieved in truth. With the baby went the guy.

Then you met this latest excuse for a man.

We all expressed our misgivings but you insisted and indeed was quite upset about our attitude towards him. We knew his past even told you but you like a dog that wants to get lost refused to listen to the hunter's whistle.

We reached a compromise. We will all try to be polite to him, so as not to hurt your feelings.

Then it happened. Even after all the pro-choice arrangements you had with him simply because he likes it 'skin-to-skin' How stupid can you be?

This latest predicament occurred and pronto he left for his 'master's' leaving you to bear it alone. And you made this decision of Pro-life.
That they told you in church not to go pro-choice is the lamest thing you have evr said. Please lady save the trash for someone who actually believes it. If you had been told that, you had no business being sexually active or at least protect yourself if you must do it.

It's been 3 yrs and he has refused to come back! You are alone with the child. You didn't complete your education and you do the stupidest of things. Like dropping out of school. Wrting university exams that you will come up with inane excuses not to attend if offered admission. Expecting the friend caucus to always pick up your peices.

I am done. I hate seeing you this way but please it's time you faced up to your responsibilities. Get a grip, a job and stop wallowing in self pity! It's downright annoying and you put yourself in this situation.

We have all tried and frankly we have lives too. Mine certainly doesn't revolve around you. I need a life of my own not having you mentioned with your latest bout of foolishnes mentioned at every friend gathering.

The child, you have turned into a brat. You don't ascertain any sign of discipline you just let her do anything she wants. Then you beleive the 'guy' is coming back to you. He didn't even have anyone representing him or his family at the 1st year celebration! Not to talk of the common decency of seeing his child have enough food. He renewed his visa without letting you know. And you have the audacity to say you will only bear his kids and make statemnts like 'when we have our second child'

When the heck will you wake up? I am just sick of being depressed by you so before I scream in your face I will take a step away. Yes that is what I will do. I will help you when I can.

Sorry people for the long post but this is what I want to say to one of my friends. Sorry for the errors I can't do any spell checks. I might end up deleting the post. Have a fab week!

On a very happy note- I got my Storm! It is everything I wanted and more. :D.

More of what?

It's like its been ages since I last came here. Been following a few posts but didn't leave comments. I never thought I would ever get this busy! I mean wow!

Hope everyone is doing good and the death of Micheal Jackson didn't hit too hard. The least expected things just happens.

There is no theme to this post just me saying hi and that I miss my blog family.

Is it weird that I feel no allegiance to some of my friends? I mean we spent quite a good number of years been friends but nowadays it's like the effort it takes to be friends with these ladies is too much and I am throwing in the towel. I can't keep up with the charade it annoys me and before I engage in a screaming fit I stopped making any effort towards the friendship.

There are so many things I want to say to them that I literally get choked up in their presence and I also don't want to hurt their feelings. I guess I will get the courage to get it right some day.

Is it also weird that I am not interested in men at the moment. The wahala is just too much. The amount of time women invest in making a relationship work or getting into one is kinda crazy!

I mean I am tired of hearing the will he/won't he, what do you think etc questions. I get these visions of slapping people to shut up and get a move on alreday! I think I ma going nuts or am I stressed?

Even the home bound traffic doesn't get to me anymore, I am just there, my mind blanked out, with the single theme of getting home some time. There is an end to every journey afterall!

I think I am just in a sour mood.

I had better get on with work. I will go shopping at the end of the week. Retail therapy always help. Speaking of which, I am still in love with the Blackberry Storm. I dream of holding it in my hands. I can't wait to get that phone.

Remain Blessed. May be I will blog more to let out some of my inner thoughts.

Akwaaba!

Hello people, how is it all going? Hope the global recession is not affecting you too much.

The road trip was long. I knew it would be, but I wasn’t expecting it to be roughly about 12 hours! ManCee commented- if my backside would be Luscious enough to withstand the journey, I say YES.

We first had to confirm our tickets and the journey began at 9:00am. The Nigerian/Benin border was quite aggravating. Too many people at the passport queue, it was like everyone was travelling out of the country. I saw modes of transportation I thought only existed in fabled stories.

There isn’t much to see in terms of vegetation. If you were expecting forests sorry to disappoint you. There were lovely palm tree lined roads and stunning beaches in Togo. As in very stunning! We stopped for a rest in Togo. I had to use a convenience built with raffia palms as the walls, cement thingy being the lavatory itself and beach sand as the floor tiles! It was clean thank God! It also cost me 25 Cefas! I don’t know what that translates to in Naira though.

The currency exchanges were quite confusing. Cefas in Togo and Cotonou, then Cedis in Ghana and other currencies in between. One resounding theme about the whole journey was, there is very minimal difference from Nigeria in terms of food, scenery, vegetation, markets etc. Only the languages were different!

On the road, we had whole fried plantains instead of the sliced dodo we do here, fried yam, suya etc. They also do the whole barbecued turkey, chicken, gizzard ensemble that the Northerners and road travellers are famous for.

It was difficult changing Naira to Ghana Cedis as we couldn’t find bureaus changing Naira except for the Mallams at the borders. Luckily we US $ so we had money. Changing from Naira to Cedis is better though since you get better value. Thank God my sister was there she can do numbers like crazy. And she could determine which was which. I think I already mentioned the currencies were confusing. I would have been hopeless if alone!

We got to Ghana around 4:30pm. We even posed and took pictures at the Ghana/Togo border. It took us another 4 hours to enter Accra itself! The driver was quite rough, I still have aches in my joints. Right there and then, my Sis & I decided to fly back. No way were we going through that again!

Getting to the park, we asked for hotels. Luckily I had checked a few Accra hotels online and I had quite a list. The first one we checked out was a disaster! We called a few peeps that had been to Ghana before and they recommended others. The second one we went to was waaayyyyyy over-budget! We finally found a perfect one. It fitted our budget nicely, 2 minutes from the airport, central to everywhere and it even had a Woolworths beside it.

After a nice long shower, we got dressed and hit the town! They have a vibrant night life. We had a really sumptuous dinner at the House of Ovation. Not quite what we expected since the soft-sell mags here always rave about it, but the food was really good. I noticed they eat a lot of pepper, I mean very HOT food. Everything is also smaller. A bottle of Star Lager I saw was like a miniature caricature of the real thing, even smaller than the small bottle in Nigeria. I asked if it was really Star and was told yes. Also their Fanta & Coke came in 300ml bottles. I am used to the 35cl we have.

We had a long stroll and even went for the opening of a new club but they were just ending the ceremony when we got there. We finally got back to the hotel around 2:00am.

Saturday was spent leisurely. Ghanian cab drivers don’t know anywhere. If you have no idea where you are going and no address, you may find yourself being driven around in circles!

This post is getting long so I will summarise the rest.

Bought plenty Woodin Ankara at the market. There were no tickets at the airport to get back to Lagos. All the flights were full booked and the airline offices had closed!

Went online to book tickets we got two seats luckily. How wrong we were. We went to the beach to kill time and enjoy our last hours in Accra. On getting to the airport to make payment for our tickets, we were told our booking had been cancelled and the flight was already full when we made our booking, but it was not reflected on the website. The guy was quite arrogant and by then I was desperate!

We eventually bought tickets for the next flight out. Luckily there were available seats. My sister was ill. A very bad case of flu and sore throat which, I now share. My parents are blaming the road trip.

I was so glad we got those tickets! If we had waited a bit longer we would have been stranded. We had to pay penalty for them, Thank God we had enough money.

With 5 more hours to kill before departure, we just strolled round the mall, bought lunch and went back to the hotel for a shower and a mini rest. They were very nice at the hotel, we explained our situation and they allowed us stay without paying extra. I trust my Naija hotels, No Way!

Everyone kept asking if we were students and we got a lot of numbers, from the forex bureau to the information desk officer at the airport and other tourists who wanted to visit Nigeria. It was all quite amusing.

I had a blast and we are now planning our next trip although, our parents do not want to hear about it. We are definitely going! We MUST book a return ticket first to avoid any stress whatsoever!

Enjoy your week!

Blogger woes and Children's day

I don't know what is wrong with blogger o! My last post has refused to display. I only see the title and a few words. I even tried to repost but I keep getting the same blank page. Can anyone help?

Happy children's day to all the blog kids o! I wonder what Solomon Sydelle, Nefertiti, Fluffycutething and all the other blog moms are doing at the moment with the kids.

Clearing throat *ahem* all the adults; our own holiday is just around the corner one day away as we celebrate wetin dem call am? Democracy day.

Honestly I envy the children all the holidays they have this month and teachers too! First it was May 1st, Now May 27th and May 29th! 3 working days free in one month? I miss being a child honestly.

My father sent me an e-mail wishing me 'Happy children's day'. When I saw the message I went pink! (I wish) :) I was laughing when I placed a call to him to find him chuckling that shebi I was still his child so I get children's day message!

On to other things;
Am I the only that finds Hugh Jackman sexy as hell in X-men Origins? I love that film. I even go to browse picture scenes from the movie to satisfy my eyes *wink*

We are approaching that time of the year when my country men travel all over the world in the name of 'summer trip'. I will envy people o! I am not entitled to any leave just yet. I am still on probation :( I am not thrilled about it at all.

Thinking of all those 'girls' gushing on the phone about when to book their ticket, the shops to visit etc is churning my stomach. I have to make do with internet shopping! Ouch. No sales for me. Double ouch!! And the most gruelling part no delicious-I-will-be-the-lucky-recipient-of-envious-looks-when I wear this outfit finds!!!

I will miss the shops, the walks, the let's-try on-this-outfit breaks. And so many more.

Anyways I am doing Ghana this weekend by road! That should be fun. I will cram as much fun as possible into the long weekend.
Will do the rounds soon. I wish I had 8 extra hours for each day. Now I know that school days are the freest and best times ever!

Be good people.