JETTING OFF

Hi people! Thank you all for your comments on my last post. I had a good laugh with the suggestions. Idiots they are. I changed the location in the mails just in case. Actual location is Scotland. I had actually typed a response to them when I got a genuine response form a Landlady, so I didn't bother to send it. Finally I have a place to stay. All details have been finalised.

I am exhausted. Preparation is not easy o! I don't know what to buy again. Any suggestions? I have bought most of my toiletries (the ones that will be difficult to get unless I go to London). I haven't even started packing. I am reserving next week for that.

Is it wise to go with kinky braids? I don't know which to choose between normal braids and afro kinky. On the plus side, I bought like 6 wigs. (Not excessive). If anyone knows where they make African hair in Scotland please let me know. (Don't let my fine girl diminish). I bought some weaves as well.

I will be getting dry goods on Saturday, Egusi, dry pepper etc. I have a thought on Palm Oil. (I will freeze it) What else? It's like my brain is operating in slow motion! I am tired.

On a random note, I went to Abuja yesterday for an assignment. I was exhausted, as I finally boarded the plane to go back to Lagos, I was dozing away before take off when the guy that sat beside me asked me if I was that tired. (I was thinking duh, if I wasn't, would I be sleeping?)

Then he proceeded to apologize to me for not saying hello when he boarded. (Guy, do I know you, or dem send you come? I will not let you ruin my fast). He then decided to show off as a Barrister. (Why do lawyers do this? Am supposed to be impressed or something?) I am one myself but I don't think I let everyone I meet know that fact. People always want free legal advice! :D

He tried to torment my peaceful existence by trying to make small talk. Why do people disturb other passengers? I had a good mind to change my seat since the plane wasn't full. I just ignored him and pretended to sleep. He didn't even allow me meditate religiously, he was making conversation in his loud 'barrister' voice to people across the aisle. Was I glad to get off the plane!

Please, my Obodo Oyinbo bloggers let me know what else I should bring o! Enjoy the rest of the week people.

P.S. I still don't know which to choose between Kinky and normal braids. Any thoughts?

Scammers! I no dey House

Hi people. I am not in a good mood right now. So, I am going to school in September and trying to secure an apartment because I don’t want school accommodation. I spent 5 years in Uni plus another 1 year in Law school, abeg[1] I have had enough of communal living.

I have been checking out websites and placing or responding to ads. Because I am leaving early Sept., I need a place ASAP. Imagine the tons of mails I have been receiving. So, I got this mail yesterday-

Hello,
My name is Cristopher Larsson and I am from Denmark and the flat is still available for rent. I had an aunt in UK and after her death she left me her apartment from UK a few years ago.
The flat was redecorated last year and the flat is looking very nice and clean. The property has a fully furnished kitchen,clean and well tidy sitting rooms,laundry room,and fully furnished with home utilities like: electric shower, Lounge,Vacuum Cleaner,Toaster, Owen and microwave, dryer, iron, washing machine , refridgerator , dishwasher, powershower, heater, cable ready,tv set and dvd player,internet connection, equiped kitchen and everything a house needs. I m interrested in finding someone clean who can take care of this house more then getting money from renting it if you know what I mean.
Till last month the apartment was rented by some students from Germany and now they left and the apartment is available again for rent. The price I want is £440 per month and I am intrested in a long term agreement,minimum six months!
If you have the money I could come in the next few days to show you the apartment and maybe sign the rental agreementif you like it but first I have to be sure you are honest you really do need a place to live because two weeks ago a person from Nottingham told me he is really interested and he asked me to go to Nottingham to meet him and sign the rental agreement and when I arrived there no person showed up to rent my place and I lost time and money for nothing.
I will wait for your e-mail, Cristopher Larsson.

I was surprised because normally, the mail has a link detailing where the ad was seen. Since my sister is helping me also, I thought the guy must be responding to an e-mail she posted in response to the ad which is below.

Hello,

I would like to know if the property has internet facilities and the approximate distance to school. Would I need to look for a housemate? Would I need to pay a deposit or need guarantors/referees? I am looking to rent for 12 months. Any other details would be welcome. Thanks

So I replied –

Hi,

Thanks for the e-mail. I appreciate your honesty. I must tell you that I can't be in the UK next week. As I said in my e-mail, I am an international student. I am still in my country and coming to the UK in the 1st week of September. I am looking to share a flat with someone as I cannot afford the whole rent by myself. I want to rent for 12 months since my course is for one year. I thought the rent will be by direct debit monthly. If you are interested let me know.

Today, I saw this reply in my inbox-

Hello,

I will attach some pictures of the flat,floor plan and also a model of the rental contract! The flat is located near 263f XXXX but I can`t give you the exactly address because there`s no one living out there and I`m afraid of thief's! Please accept my apologies for this but I hope you understand me because I`m in Denmark right now! The property benefits from access to beautifully maintained communal gardens and comprises reception room, kitchen with washing machine/tumble dryer, master bedroom with fitted wardrobes and en suite bathroom, second bedroom with fitted wardrobe and bathroom.

In the kitchen there is a dishwasher and also a Big fridge freezer! Regarding the council tax I can tell you that it is included in the price of £440 per month and also Sky TV,internet broadband,gas and electricity are also included in this price! I am intrested in a minimum six month agreement and I request two months advance rent payment plus one month refundable deposit (£440) wich you will get it back at the end of the contract.

Regarding the plummets and all that kind of stuff I can tell you that the flat was recently renovated and all electrical part and plummets are new so that won`t be necessary any repairs anyway I have a person who can manage this starting from September.
We can sign the rental contract starting from next weekend but I need to be sure that you have serious intentions in renting the flat that`s why I attach here a model of the tenancy agreement and also we can discuss the terms when we will meet!
If you are decided to view the flat let me know because there is another person interested in reserving it!
Kind regards,
Cristopher Larsson

Two minutes later I got another mail from him-

Hello again,
There is parking acces available(one place) I forgot to mentioned it! We can sign the reement starting from September, but you see these is due to previous predicament that I have gone through in the past trying to rent the property to some students,I have got to realize so many people are not really in need of an apartment all they do is secure a place in advance, My last experience in trying to rent the property to a particular lady had got me to predicate on these,she made me believe she was willing and ready to get the apartment she even went to the extend of showing me her statement of account,which made me took her for the viewing but after taking her for the viewing,she saw the apartment and got to love it and never wanted to loose it,so she kept pleading i retain it for her because she is not financially composed at the moment,which i did but end up disastrously.
So basically for me to be sure of you been willing and ready to get the apartment I will employ you walk into any Money Gram outlet and send the total bill cash £1320 (two months rent and one month refundable deposit) to your partener`s name(NOT to ME),or your partener should send it to you with location of Nottingham, All I need is for you to get back to me with the receipt issued to you after making the transaction so I can confirm it! When we will meet in person to sign the papers we will go together to Money Gram and you or your partner will withdraw the cash and pay me in hand or you can pay me on Monday by bank transfer! I just need to see that you do have the money available and you do have serious intentions in renting the flat! If the Money Gram agent will ask you about the receiver you should tell him that is your cousin because the transfer fees will be cheaper! Anyway I will pay for it either you take the flat or not! I will book the flight for Saturday as soon as I have your positive answer because I can come only in weekends!
I do apologise for that but as I told you last time when I arrived to Nottingham to show the flat to a person everything was a stupid joke and I hope you understand me because I don`t want to waste my time and money on plane tickets..
Regards,Cristopher Larsson.

I immediately knew something was up! I didn’t even bother to reply. He can rot in hell! Western Union ko Money transfer ni! Although, I wouldn’t mind playing a little trick on him/her. What a load of rubbish! I immediately forwarded the message to my sister, whom agreed with me that scammers are at work. So imagine my shock this afternoon when my yahoo alert popped up saying I had an e-mail. I read it and see what I found-

Hello,
I`m sorry for my late reply but I've had some medical problems! My name is Albert Moulton and I am from France and the flat is still available for rent. I had an aunt in UK and after her death she left me her apartment in UK a few years ago.
The flat was redecorated last year and the flat is looking very nice and clean. The property has a fully furnished kitchen,clean and well tidy sitting rooms,laundry room,and fully furnished with home utilities like: electric shower, Lounge,Vacuum Cleaner,Toaster, Oven and microwave, dryer, iron, washing machine , refrigerator , dishwasher, power-shower, heater, cable ready,tv set and dvd player,internet connection, equipped kitchen and everything a house needs. I'm interested in finding someone clean who can take care of this house more than getting money from renting it if you know what I mean.
Till last month the apartment was rented by some students from Germany and now they left and the apartment is available again for rent. The price I want is 450 UK pounds per month and the advance it's the price for the first 2 months(1 advance and 1 guarantee).
If you have the money I could come in the next few days to show you the apartment and maybe sign the rental agreement if you like it but first I have to be sure you are honest you really do need a place to live because two weeks ago a person from Nottingham told me he is really interested and he asked me to go to Nottingham to meet him and sign the rental agreement and when I arrived there no person showed up to rent my place and I lost time and money for nothing.
I will wait for your e-mail
Albert

You can all go to blazes! No be my papa hard earned Naira you go chop. Go and find better work. She my Yoruba name is not enough to tell you that we might be form the same country? (I didn’t say they originate from my country o!) See me see wahala[2] o! In fact for this, they will not prosper! I should have sensed something was up immediately I saw the long email. All the other agents I have been mailing usually send me short-to-the-minute-mails and include their phone nos.

Dem no even try make them change the format small[3]. I would be a very stupid maga[4], if I fall this kind thing. So to all my enemies, I no dey house! Try again another time. I dey ground for una[5]. God go punish you well well. She na yahoo yahoo you still dey do, una no go even see pure water sell in future. Olosi gbogbo![6]

Na so I see am o! Can you imagine? I am practically foaming right now! What would you guys do in my shoes?

1. Please
2. Trouble
3. They didn’t try to change the format
4. Gullible person
5. I am prepared for you
6. I can’t translate the rest jare!

Things to ponder

Hello people, how have you all been? I have been busy like mad. More update soon. I have read a lot of posts today. Mostly on relationships. Everyone is talking about it. As for me life is on a slow mo at the mo (I sound silly). I am back to my basics. False nails are on a rest for now. Grooming mine again. I missed being here but when duty calls, you have to do your job. I need a masseuse!

I have so much to talk about, yet I can't put them down. Meanwhile enjoy this post. It makes you wonder.

Things to Ponder

- Can you cry under water?

- - How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

- Since bread is square, why is sandwich meat round?

- Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

- How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

- Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

- Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?

- Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

- How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss Nigeria?

- Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

- I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

- Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life, we could simply press Ctrl Alt Delete and start all over?

- Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

- If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

- Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever

-Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

-Why are there locks on the door of stores that are open 24/7 365 days a year?

-If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

-WalMart is lowering prices daily, how come nothing in the store is free yet

-Why is abbreviation such a long word?

-If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If it is illegal to drink and drive, why do bars have parkinglots?

-Why do we call it a hamburger when it is made from beef?

-If a mime is arrested, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

-Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

-Why there's a pair of panties but just one bra

-how can there be multiple Final Fantasies

-How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?

-If firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?

-why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?

-Why does a ship carry cargo, and a car carry shipments?

-How is it possible to have a civil war

-If sunflower oil is made of sunflowers, what is baby oil made of???

-Why is a boxing ring square?

- If you spin an oriental man, does he become disoriented?
.
- Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

-if the polish are called poles why aren’t people from Holland called holes?

-Why a goose and his wife are geese, but a moose and his wife aren't meese?

-Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

-If air travel is so safe, why do they call it a "terminal"

-If Cheese is made of milk why is it yellow?

-if dinosaurs once roamed the entire planet why aren't there fossils in my yard

-Do Chinese mothers feed their babies with toothpicks?

-if we're evolved from monkeys, then how come monkeys are still alive?

-Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?