It seems just like yesterday.... (Long post alert!)

Right now I am listening to my favorite songs in the world, I could do this for hours and never get bored. I do this whenever I remember moments in times past or I just I want to loose myself in music. Toni Braxton’s Breathe Again just finished and I am on Breathless by the Corrs. I love my songs from the early 90’s and a few oldies to the soothing blues of John Legend and the smooth moves of Chris Brown and Neyo and of course I couldn’t the forget the timeless voice of Mariah Carey forget her occasional foolishness and Brandy whom I feel like we grew together.

Sorry I didn’t update sooner, went to Lagos for some interviews which took most of last week and the first two days of this week. I spent my spare time in the cyber ecstasy world of Ubong Da. That was an expose. I had to concur with his blog title it is indeed the ‘memoirs of a randy Nigerian’, I read all his posts.

How time flies, I collected my clearance forms from NYSC today and I remember when I left Law School and went back to my university to collect my Call up Letter. Checking my name on the board the first time, only to discover it wasn’t there and that I will be in the next batch ‘Batch A2’ was pretty deflating.

Anyhoos went back to school two weeks later and found out I had been posted to Abuja. I was excited, that was what I wanted. I was the only one posted there amongst everyone and I knew this would be like starting my life all over again, no friends except some of the younger ladies in my Dad’s office whom I hang out with on several trips to Abuja.

So there I was at the airport on that Monday morning to buy a ticket to Abuja, I totally forgot going to Abuja on a Monday without booking a ticket earlier is just a waste of time. My brother took to the airport, finally purchased a ticket for 3:00pm and I got to the airport at 8:30am meaning I had several hours to kill in that boring place.

My brother stayed awhile spent like 2 hours with me before he left, I appreciated that. I had spent the previous weekend going round to all my friends and saying my goodbyes as I didn’t know when I would be returning. It wasn’t so bad because I hadn’t really seen anyone since I went to law school which turned out to be very time consuming leaving room for very little save sleep for me so it wasn’t like they had been seeing me all the while. The only difference was I was still in Lagos with them but this time I was going away.

A friend of mine called and said she will meet me at the airport after I checked in my luggage. She was in Batch A1 so she brought me her waist purse and white shorts. Also she was in Abuja so she gave the lowdown on all the horrors of camp. I followed her to a salon in Ikeja to kill time. She made her hair and we did our nails suffice to say it was a relaxing parting gift before I left for camp. She was wonderful, spending all that time with me and she followed me back to the airport and waited till I cleared security before she departed. I was deeply touched. My mum was calling constantly to make sure I was alright. I was already having problems with my ex so I wasn’t my usual bubbly self.

Landing at the airport in Abuja after exactly a year of leaving was memorable. I thought I would go to the Abuja Law School Campus so I was there when I saw I was posted to Lagos I was very upset.

My luggage had arrived with one of the earlier flights so I didn’t have to queue at the baggage claim for it. My dad was waiting at the airport to receive me. I was happy and excited. I thought I would get to go home, drop my luggage and go to camp but my father refused saying I was late enough as it were so I should just proceed to the camp.

He left me with his driver so off I went. The camp was in Kubwa unknown to me as I just headed to Dutse thinking it was there, we had to go back to Kubwa. I was tired and cranky. Saw several people at the gate and the soldiers were their usual boisterous mean self. I was asked to come down ‘Government pikin!’ I was told to put my box on my head and frog jump to where my fellow Otondos[1] were waiting. I was made to sit on the bare ground. Luckily for me, I met this guy on the merry go round to Dutse who told me all the horrors I would suffer. I had two boxes, A large one and a smaller one. I am one of those ladies who just pack everything! The guy said I should just bring down the small one only as I would be made to carry it on my head. That he would help me swap the boxes later. I did as he told me otherwise I would have just died with the weight of that box. I thought I would drop a few things off at home first.

Didn’t get anything done that night. I was glad I didn’t arrive earlier at least it reduced the stress I would have gone through. The queue for registration was insane, so I didn’t bother; my number at the gate was #1762! Imagine all those people on 4 different stages of registration. Didn’t even know where to start, it was all so rowdy. I had to sleep in a classroom. The guy helped me get a mattress and pillow and found a good bunk for me in a nice class so I wouldn’t be disturbed. I was so thankful. I didn’t have any bucket, lent one from one of the girls that ended up in the classroom with me, suffice to say before I got back from fetching water, taking a bath in an open air while the guy stood guard was all very un-kosher and it reminded me of my boarding school days. I had to walk down a dark path so the guy wouldn’t see anything while afraid of snakes or anything that crawls in the dark! Some other girls had invaded the make shift room and scattered everything, to think they are supposed to be Graduates!

Got my mattress back after some small display of madness and got a tiny piece of quiet. Law school result was released that night. It was posted on the web. I was apprehensive. One of my friends sent me a text that her boyfriend checked for me and I had a 2:1. My friend from the airport sent someone to check for me she said I had a 2:2. I was tired and confused, didn’t know who to believe. I had already sent my mum a text with the result then I had to change it again. Did I mention it was around 2:30am? I was running on pure adrenalin no sleep. The girls woke up at 3:00 to get back to the queue to complete registration. I was exhausted had my bath with two sachets of pure water which I bought for 50 naira. The place was upside down with girls trying to get ahead of the queue at every opportunity, I was so angry I had to speak up at a point and go to the front to warn the guys and threatened them with calling the attention of the soldiers. They behaved for a while after that. I met one of my good friends today on that queue.

My mum finally checked my result for me later in the day and I was so happy it was a 2:1 after all. Later saw some of my Law school mates on the parade ground we were all so excited with our results we were practically jumping at every opportunity. The news of my result made up for every stupid thing that happened on that camp (the disgustingly dirty habits of some of the girls, the ridiculous beagle[2] blowing of the soldiers at 4:00am, taking more baths on a freezing morning in the open field as the bathrooms were to dirty to even step into, the tiny spaces between the bunks-we were 62 in my room! And all the other irritating minute details the soldiers pay attention to like bursting into the female hostel after an impatient knock without waiting for an answer to chase people to the parade ground, the endless lectures, the early morning songs, this is one

‘Dem go born mumu

Dem go born mumu

If corper marry corper dem go born mumu’

Etc The song is used to mock sexual relationships between corpers in camp) My knee knocked off again once during preparation for one of their stupid (did I say stupid again?) endless parades and I was exempted from further activities (My knee cap rolls out of its socket every once in a while if stressed. Stomping on the ground for hours in the name of marching is taking it too far, so I didn’t do any of those tortuous rope climbing exercises and I wasn’t around for the endurance trek! That was aptly named that trek surely tests your endurance level). Had a run in with one of the soldiers who said in Hausa to his subordinate to take me to the guard room, they call him Mad Dog because of his rabid behavior! I heard the words yarinya[3] and guard room[4], I disappeared fast and mixed with the crowd in spite of my painful knee.

This is turning out to be one long post hope it isn’t too boring sha.

My birthday came while I was in camp. Still upset over my boyfriend he sent me one very blasé text message. My parents made my day. My dad sent me a cake with cartons of my favorite juice. The cake was so beautiful and it was covered in whipped cream with handfuls of red sugar crumbles. I was a loner in camp except for the people around my bunk, I didn’t mix. I shared the goodies with these people. My mum wrapped up my gift and cards from my siblings in a package taped to one of the outside pockets of my box. Didn’t even know it was there until she called to tell me, I was so happy and very surprised. I met more friends on the parade ground when people kept calling me to wish me a happy birthday. Left camp 2 days later after spending like 8 days to prepare for my Call to the Nigerian Bar. I didn’t go back o merely went for the passing out parade and collected my posting. If I remove all the annoying deets of camp it wasn’t so bad in the end I enjoyed a few of the times spent there.

The year itself has been a blast met some wonderful friends along the way. I met up with one of my closest friends in secondary school, Omotee after years of been apart.

This post is getting too long.

I am dedicating this post to thousands (I should say millions, the scheme started in 1975) of graduates who have gone through this scheme before me including my parents (imagine?!). It gave me an opportunity to further discover myself, love myself more, have more people in my circle of friends, wheedle out people I would rather live without, learn new traditions, value my true friends, be thankful for all the people in my life and all the things I have and lots more. To those currently serving have a blast during your service year. For me it has been fun and I am glad I ‘obeyed the clarion’s call’. God bless Nigeria!

I have to start packing my things soon not looking forward to it at all and I have to regulate my system back to the high strung life in Las giddy (Lagos) that wouldn’t be bad. I have already started saying my goodbyes to all of my favorite places here, in my special way of taking loads of pictures to last a lifetime.

Signing off with one of Enrique’s songs in Spanish totally love the song even though I don’t understand a word he is saying, he is such a passionate singer, The song just changed to Dan Seal’s Everything that glitters. My songs are arranged in alphabetical order.

P.S. 1-Otondo: Name the soldiers call the corps members

2- Beagle: A trumpet-like thing blown for every occasion in camp

3- Yarinya: Hausa for female

4- Guard room: A room kept by the soldiers for punishing people

Update: This post was written on Thursday. Its Saturday now, I am having problems with my wireless card. I will post this when I get it to work.

I got a job! All the Firms told me they would get back to me so I was checking my mails everyday only to be disappointed as I got nothing from them. I then decided I wouldn’t check for a few days. That was torture I tell you, staying away from the internet. Alas, I checked on Friday evening and voila, I got a mail from one of them, actually the Firm I liked best amongst all the ones I interviewed with. I was told to resume on the 2nd of February and to pick up my appointment letter. I was so surprised I didn’t know what to say.

I called the Managing partner and explained my situation that I haven’t finished NYSC clearance and it will take two weeks, plus packing up and coming back to Lagos would take another week and she said I could resume in March, that she will modify my appointment letter and she will forward it to me if I can’t pick it up. Imagine!

I was so happy until I called my dad and he gave me news of some foolishness a certain family member of mine has committed. It overshadowed my happiness but like my father said, good and evil sometimes move together and there was nothing I could do but be thankful to Almighty God and that I shouldn’t let it bother me, I should just be happy keep being at my best.

So I have resolved to feel blessed and I will simply pray more for my family member. To think this time last week, my sister and I were lamenting over our jobless status Yes, my sister has relocated back to the country. I pray she gets a job soon as well. It would be so cool playing dress up with her in the mornings. I can see the cat fights already, say wearing the same outfits on the same day, we have several items of clothing in common.

I am so thankful for you guys. The feeling I get, knowing I can share my innermost thoughts without having to speak is indescribable. May all your wishes come true. Wish me luck in my new job, I know I am going to need it.

Imagine its Monday evening! I had to visit my ISP’s office and reinstall the data card before I got hooked up again.

Government property!

I am having cramps right now but I had to come in to work, I am having issues with my boss. I can't go for lunch, the cramps is driving me nuts so I am blogging.

Back to this title, last Friday on my way home, I was speeding as I saw the light was still green so I wanted to beat it before it turns red. As I did, there was a lady in front of me and another driver behind me we all made it but were all stopped by the police, that we ran the amber light.

So I rolled down my window to talk to the policeman, he asked for my driver's license and I showed him, then he said I should bring it, I was like no. My experience with these people is once you give them, you won't get it back without parting with something or plenty police wahala.

This guy was like I should open the door that he is arresting me and we are going to their station I was like on top wetin? I refused to unlock the door so he put his hands through the window and unlocked the door! Before I could say WTF he was sitting in my passenger's seat instructing me to drive. I felt violated! I was so angry my entire body was shaking!

I asked him why he did that and he was like I was proving stubborn that I FLASHED him my license instead of handing it over. See me see me trouble! I looked around and saw that the other people whom they stopped with me had been 'released'. Na so my brain kick into overdrive.

He was like I ran a traffic light and they are charging me to court, that I didn't slow down at a traffic junction etc. When he mentioned court I laughed in my mind. I told him in as calm a voice as I could muster that that court he mentioned is my stage so he doesn't scare me. I am a lawyer ke!

That angered him he was like so because I am a lawyer I am above the law, I had no respect for the police, he just went on and on. A colleague of his then came over and he also asked to see my license me as a pro at these things, I simply showed it to him as I did, the contents of my wallet just tumbled out. Na so I see my yellow NYSC ID card I was so happy!

I have never played the Corper card before even though people have told me the power it wields. I just turned to the guy and said:

• I haven't committed any crime and I didn't run the traffic light besides if anyone had run the light it should be the guy behind me.
• The other two people they stopped for the same thing had been allowed to go and why were they still holding me?
• I am a Corper.

As I said these, he was like the woman begged so they allowed her to go but me, I was playing with them and I wasn't even remorseful, I was like for real? Why should I be remorseful for something I haven't done?

His colleagues told him to allow me go as I was a Corper but this guy was just like no she must go to station. I looke at the guy and I told him I was driving nowhere do I look stupid? I will drive myself to a police station with him in the car then he will go and fabricate orisirisi story against me! No sir!

I even expected him to say something about my expired vehicle license which proclaims May 2008 but this fool didn't even realise that, all he cared about was how I was speaking to him and these are the same idiots that are entrusted with the safety of citizens!

After he made more noise and he realised he wouldn't get anything from me he got down and I almost ran over his foot! You guys should have seen his face as he was trying to cuss me out while looking down at his foot to make sure it was still there. I had a good laugh as I looked at him in my rearview mirror.

Then at my office, my oga said I should be transferred out of his dept as he couldn't manage me anymore! My outspoken self is too much to handle!

I was at CD (Community Development) yesterday when I got a call from one tatafo in the office that I wasn't been transferred anymore. Apparently the CEO said if my oga couldn't manage me then there was a problem. I have a sneaking suspicion that my 'transfer' had something to do with 'aboki lady/office brat'. Well they can't sack me I belong to the govt! I wish I had been in that meeting to see my oga's face when he was told that. NYSC sure has its uses, yes ke I am untouchable since I am government property for now!

Orisirisi revised

I am at work but things are pretty slow at the moment. I have work to do o, just can't be bothered at this time. I am still smarting from the queue at the NYSC office. To submit PC now is war especially if its the last day. Chei.

See me in my very tigh-high-waisted-just-before-the-knee-skirt with nice large purple belt over my ruffled top plus a two-tone purple banana heeled shoe. Abeg I can't shout. Na so I remember say I suppose submit PC for this month so I can get my stipend from govt.

Thank God I always have my kit in the car I just went to change na so dey ruin my fine girl today. I was ready to do the waka, see client, generally pose all over the place thing and I wasted the better part of 3 hrs at that damn place! Thank God my boss wasn't around I would have been in deep sh*t.

On the queue couldn't remember my no on the list na so the winch comot me for line to say I was pissed na another thing. Sha she got up to do something I just jeje flip the booklet to find my name and number before she came back. I went back to join the queue sha, the fine boy I was eye-balling no gree give me space in front of him. I don't know the kind beef she get for my face as she see me again she said I didn't write my account number well, bla bla bla. I just left after all her talk. See the crowd and before you find your bank...... Phew.

Getting to where I parked some olodos had blocked me and I didn't see myself waiting for nobody to come move their cars, I just jejely checked if the cars were in park mode and manual, I saw a friend of mine and I told him to let's roll the cars a bit forward so we could go. Na so I comot for the place o! I can imagine the expression on people's faces when they look for their cars and can't find it where they left it.

I have a presentation at work tomorrow and I haven't even prepared the paper. Na wah for me.
I logged on to fb this morning only to find a msg from one fine bloke I met a while ago at the conference, (he has a girlfriend remember?), he said: 'hey hot chocolate', I am like 'excuse me?'
I refused to call him when he didn't call even though he is really cute plus he has a girlfriend. I no want bottle for my head. I want to remain fine girl till I am sixty, ask Oprah.

So I was talking to one old flame who thinks he still has a chance, I will call him 'agbaya'
Agbaya: Are you still slim and slender?
Luscious: No I have gained weight duh. (Just kidding)
Agbaya: That's nice you will be more handy for my 'use'

I am like have you lost it or what? What arrant nonsense? I was so angry I hung up on him. I mean what kind of yeye talk is that? Hell will freeze over first before that!

Anyways I sufficiently calmed down enough to pick his call later and I gave him a piece of my mind. When did I become a tool to be used?
People really should learn speech manners and choose their words carefully.

Which reminds of one idiot in my office who says I eat too much and I am gaining weight. Yeah so I love cookies, chocolates etc its nobody's business what I put in my mouth. Its safer for me than real food another food poisoning I don't want! At least I need something to sustain me while I work. So this fool repeats it every time he sees me munching, That I was really slim and pretty when I started work and more body won't fit me. Where does he get off saying that rubbish to me?

I weigh 52kg! Where in the world does that qualify as overweight. My mother hugs me by the side and her arm encompasses my whole waist and this idiot says that! Everyone says I should gain more weight including my aunt who has 6 grown children and is just a little bit fatter than I am!

I just told him to stuff his comments where the sun doesn't shine. Opinion is an arsehole everybody has one! Thank God I am not insecure about my body I would have been upset. I told him not to say anything to me again except maybe greetings. We still have to work together. I would have reported him to HR sef but I just chilled.

Anyways I am going back to work let me earn the bandwidth time I have spent.