Scammers! I no dey House

Hi people. I am not in a good mood right now. So, I am going to school in September and trying to secure an apartment because I don’t want school accommodation. I spent 5 years in Uni plus another 1 year in Law school, abeg[1] I have had enough of communal living.

I have been checking out websites and placing or responding to ads. Because I am leaving early Sept., I need a place ASAP. Imagine the tons of mails I have been receiving. So, I got this mail yesterday-

Hello,
My name is Cristopher Larsson and I am from Denmark and the flat is still available for rent. I had an aunt in UK and after her death she left me her apartment from UK a few years ago.
The flat was redecorated last year and the flat is looking very nice and clean. The property has a fully furnished kitchen,clean and well tidy sitting rooms,laundry room,and fully furnished with home utilities like: electric shower, Lounge,Vacuum Cleaner,Toaster, Owen and microwave, dryer, iron, washing machine , refridgerator , dishwasher, powershower, heater, cable ready,tv set and dvd player,internet connection, equiped kitchen and everything a house needs. I m interrested in finding someone clean who can take care of this house more then getting money from renting it if you know what I mean.
Till last month the apartment was rented by some students from Germany and now they left and the apartment is available again for rent. The price I want is £440 per month and I am intrested in a long term agreement,minimum six months!
If you have the money I could come in the next few days to show you the apartment and maybe sign the rental agreementif you like it but first I have to be sure you are honest you really do need a place to live because two weeks ago a person from Nottingham told me he is really interested and he asked me to go to Nottingham to meet him and sign the rental agreement and when I arrived there no person showed up to rent my place and I lost time and money for nothing.
I will wait for your e-mail, Cristopher Larsson.

I was surprised because normally, the mail has a link detailing where the ad was seen. Since my sister is helping me also, I thought the guy must be responding to an e-mail she posted in response to the ad which is below.

Hello,

I would like to know if the property has internet facilities and the approximate distance to school. Would I need to look for a housemate? Would I need to pay a deposit or need guarantors/referees? I am looking to rent for 12 months. Any other details would be welcome. Thanks

So I replied –

Hi,

Thanks for the e-mail. I appreciate your honesty. I must tell you that I can't be in the UK next week. As I said in my e-mail, I am an international student. I am still in my country and coming to the UK in the 1st week of September. I am looking to share a flat with someone as I cannot afford the whole rent by myself. I want to rent for 12 months since my course is for one year. I thought the rent will be by direct debit monthly. If you are interested let me know.

Today, I saw this reply in my inbox-

Hello,

I will attach some pictures of the flat,floor plan and also a model of the rental contract! The flat is located near 263f XXXX but I can`t give you the exactly address because there`s no one living out there and I`m afraid of thief's! Please accept my apologies for this but I hope you understand me because I`m in Denmark right now! The property benefits from access to beautifully maintained communal gardens and comprises reception room, kitchen with washing machine/tumble dryer, master bedroom with fitted wardrobes and en suite bathroom, second bedroom with fitted wardrobe and bathroom.

In the kitchen there is a dishwasher and also a Big fridge freezer! Regarding the council tax I can tell you that it is included in the price of £440 per month and also Sky TV,internet broadband,gas and electricity are also included in this price! I am intrested in a minimum six month agreement and I request two months advance rent payment plus one month refundable deposit (£440) wich you will get it back at the end of the contract.

Regarding the plummets and all that kind of stuff I can tell you that the flat was recently renovated and all electrical part and plummets are new so that won`t be necessary any repairs anyway I have a person who can manage this starting from September.
We can sign the rental contract starting from next weekend but I need to be sure that you have serious intentions in renting the flat that`s why I attach here a model of the tenancy agreement and also we can discuss the terms when we will meet!
If you are decided to view the flat let me know because there is another person interested in reserving it!
Kind regards,
Cristopher Larsson

Two minutes later I got another mail from him-

Hello again,
There is parking acces available(one place) I forgot to mentioned it! We can sign the reement starting from September, but you see these is due to previous predicament that I have gone through in the past trying to rent the property to some students,I have got to realize so many people are not really in need of an apartment all they do is secure a place in advance, My last experience in trying to rent the property to a particular lady had got me to predicate on these,she made me believe she was willing and ready to get the apartment she even went to the extend of showing me her statement of account,which made me took her for the viewing but after taking her for the viewing,she saw the apartment and got to love it and never wanted to loose it,so she kept pleading i retain it for her because she is not financially composed at the moment,which i did but end up disastrously.
So basically for me to be sure of you been willing and ready to get the apartment I will employ you walk into any Money Gram outlet and send the total bill cash £1320 (two months rent and one month refundable deposit) to your partener`s name(NOT to ME),or your partener should send it to you with location of Nottingham, All I need is for you to get back to me with the receipt issued to you after making the transaction so I can confirm it! When we will meet in person to sign the papers we will go together to Money Gram and you or your partner will withdraw the cash and pay me in hand or you can pay me on Monday by bank transfer! I just need to see that you do have the money available and you do have serious intentions in renting the flat! If the Money Gram agent will ask you about the receiver you should tell him that is your cousin because the transfer fees will be cheaper! Anyway I will pay for it either you take the flat or not! I will book the flight for Saturday as soon as I have your positive answer because I can come only in weekends!
I do apologise for that but as I told you last time when I arrived to Nottingham to show the flat to a person everything was a stupid joke and I hope you understand me because I don`t want to waste my time and money on plane tickets..
Regards,Cristopher Larsson.

I immediately knew something was up! I didn’t even bother to reply. He can rot in hell! Western Union ko Money transfer ni! Although, I wouldn’t mind playing a little trick on him/her. What a load of rubbish! I immediately forwarded the message to my sister, whom agreed with me that scammers are at work. So imagine my shock this afternoon when my yahoo alert popped up saying I had an e-mail. I read it and see what I found-

Hello,
I`m sorry for my late reply but I've had some medical problems! My name is Albert Moulton and I am from France and the flat is still available for rent. I had an aunt in UK and after her death she left me her apartment in UK a few years ago.
The flat was redecorated last year and the flat is looking very nice and clean. The property has a fully furnished kitchen,clean and well tidy sitting rooms,laundry room,and fully furnished with home utilities like: electric shower, Lounge,Vacuum Cleaner,Toaster, Oven and microwave, dryer, iron, washing machine , refrigerator , dishwasher, power-shower, heater, cable ready,tv set and dvd player,internet connection, equipped kitchen and everything a house needs. I'm interested in finding someone clean who can take care of this house more than getting money from renting it if you know what I mean.
Till last month the apartment was rented by some students from Germany and now they left and the apartment is available again for rent. The price I want is 450 UK pounds per month and the advance it's the price for the first 2 months(1 advance and 1 guarantee).
If you have the money I could come in the next few days to show you the apartment and maybe sign the rental agreement if you like it but first I have to be sure you are honest you really do need a place to live because two weeks ago a person from Nottingham told me he is really interested and he asked me to go to Nottingham to meet him and sign the rental agreement and when I arrived there no person showed up to rent my place and I lost time and money for nothing.
I will wait for your e-mail
Albert

You can all go to blazes! No be my papa hard earned Naira you go chop. Go and find better work. She my Yoruba name is not enough to tell you that we might be form the same country? (I didn’t say they originate from my country o!) See me see wahala[2] o! In fact for this, they will not prosper! I should have sensed something was up immediately I saw the long email. All the other agents I have been mailing usually send me short-to-the-minute-mails and include their phone nos.

Dem no even try make them change the format small[3]. I would be a very stupid maga[4], if I fall this kind thing. So to all my enemies, I no dey house! Try again another time. I dey ground for una[5]. God go punish you well well. She na yahoo yahoo you still dey do, una no go even see pure water sell in future. Olosi gbogbo![6]

Na so I see am o! Can you imagine? I am practically foaming right now! What would you guys do in my shoes?

1. Please
2. Trouble
3. They didn’t try to change the format
4. Gullible person
5. I am prepared for you
6. I can’t translate the rest jare!